InSidE oUt

Hum, rahen ya na rahen kal
Kal yaad aayenge ye pal
Pal, ye hain pyar ke pal
Chal, aa mere sang chal
Chal, soche kya
Chhoti si, hai zindagi
Kal, mil jaaye to hogi khush-naseebi

Hum rahen ya na rahen yaad aayenge ye pal
That is a song by KK.

Yes its time… But I choose to believe that this is not the end….. I choose to believe that I will keep in touch with the people i love and cherish as friends. I choose to believe that we will meet again… and again…and again….

 Am I being a fool??? time will tell.

I had my first model prac today… c#. it was ok. My program was a miniature version of my project… it was somethin like a disease detection thingie… it took me bout half n hour to properly understand the question coz of the language used… i had to use assemblies and inheritance… The other program was to execute divide by zero exception and format exception.

I did the first but dint actually understand how to implement inheritance in it…. coz i was not allowed to have any I/O statements in the class library…. so the first version of my program was just an ‘eyewash’ and the staff asked me to change it… so i did… and also for the other one.. i forgot to use a loop/menu for it so was accused of programming like a child(which sadly, is very much true ) and i was told that i might get kicked out of wipro in case i continue like this…. they were kidding i know….. but still….

finally managed to get the outputs… Not satisfied coz i dint study well…. and also dint get the outputs properly…

Now the next milestone is friday’s hardware lab… hopefully not much to study.. since we just revised everythin in the prev lab class…

Just hope this exam period passes by quickly….

What is it bout trust that makes u regret everytime u do…. I have no idea why i am talkin bout this… ppl pls dont try reading between the lines.

There is a delicate line between trust and distrust(yes there is a word like that) which is so easy to cross. And once it crosses over to the negative, it is very difficult to get back to home ground… very difficult. Be it me or anyone else. Its is the same always…

i know i have disregarded a form of blind trust  once upon a time… and have repented and am still in the process of gainin it back. But never did i know how bad it is when u r on the receiving end of a similar story.

“Trust” is very precious …. not to be wasted on ppl who dont care and not to be taken advantage of from ppl who care a lot.

I must clarify that my title doesnt target love as such, but the hours of futile discussions most ppl have on “love”. Debates, movies, discussions… and what not….. Just to ‘try’ and define LOVE.

In my opinion.. the bible gives the most classic definition of love….

I Corinthians 13 describes love in a manner that no one can argue about it….

“Love is patient, LOve is Kind, It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres….. Love never fails.”

It is sad that it took a movie to remind me that the bible has answers to everything….. everything.

And to all those of us who ‘think’ we are in the blissful oblivion of love….. Its time for a reality check… dont u think???

Its that time of the semester again…. when the only thing going on in classes is “seminars” that we hardly understand rather hardly listen to(whats new u say ? i dont know…. just expect students to be more insync with student psyche….a misconception??), and everyone seems to be lookin back at the semester and figuring out what went wrong, not to mention the last minute pgm and record writing( a.k.a copying), tension of the model pracs, figuring out a way to get permission to write the third internals which when given results in additional tension of preparing along with regular classes…. and the list just never seems to end and its amazing how it is the same every semester and applicable any “average” student.

But this time its different for me. Its gonna be the last. The last internals, the last model pracs, the last class, the last seminar, the last record, the last semester. The final days in colg… Its amazing how much difference it has made to my outlook…. The same things that seemed such a headache… now i dont mind going thru with them. its more like i want to. especially attending classes…. I Havent bunked much this sem.. which is a wonder…. even to me. But its sad… not everyone is going thru the same feelin… It would make things a lot better.

I have just come to an understanding that i am responsible for my decisions and just HAVE to go through with the consequences… and i am. Just that…still not seen the full fledged consequences though… but am sure i can manage…

The supposed “coding contest” dint actually need us to code anything… but dunno which is worse… the quiz we had or a proper coding contest??? just hope they dont take away my job based on my performance.

Still not done my J2EE pgms… I forgot to mention earlier that i finally know how to write a JSP pgm…. which actually works.. and also the DB connection thingie…. SHould have tried earlier instead of wasting time in all the previous lab classes…. its actually nice.. i like it. hope the interest survives the models…..

ok thats just somethin i had to get outta my system…. Had a “fantastic” day…. for reasons that cant be discused here….
or mayb i will…. when it totally crosses the line….

I have always been a fickle-minded person but this particular issue… i really regret….. and i dont think its my fault.but am sure there is lots to learn….from all of this….

The only worthwhile part of the day worth mentioning… would be…. i guess my 2 papers… pretty ok…. kinda surprised tho.

Got loads of work to be done. and the J2EE pgms…

just wanted to say…. Chinnu thanks for bein there… Dunno what i would have done without u…. thanks.
yes i know…. i cant believe i am saying it too….

Wanted to share somethin that touched me during the last one week…. Something i am trying to implement in my life…. coz i havent taken care of it for quite some time….

It has been taken from selwyn hughes’ Everyday With Jesus

It goes like this
“The conviction that the matter of relationships is a key issue in the universe has deepened within me over the years(says hughes). All biblical history is a record of God calling individuals and communities of ppl to a relationship with Himself bcoz thats “the supreme purpose of life”. In the words of the Shorter Westminster Catechism, ‘The chief end of mankind is to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever’( its based on 1 Corinthians 10:31-whether u eat or drink, do it all for the glory of god and Psalms 73:25-26-God is the strength of my heart and my potion forevr)
We are designed to “relate”, and when our relationships are loving and “other centered”, we reflect the design of the Trinity in the highest and most glorious manner possible.
The Bible is a manual intended to help us discover the true purpose of life and to grow in it. Have u ever wondered y there r so many accounts of relationships in the Bible. It is crammed with stories of ppl relating well or not relating well. The content of the bible is not propositional but “relational”.
Now let me go a stage further and say somethin that might surprise u.
“Almost every problem we have in life( if its not biological) will stem from a difficulty in relationships- our relationships with God, with others or with ourselves.”

Our relationships probably give the best XRAY of the condition of our soul, for our true dedication to God will show itself in the way we relate to Him, to others and to ourself.
Remember, we are not mechanical beings- we r personal, made in God’s image. That means there is always something going on between ourselves and others. And what goes on ought, if we truly are His, to reflect His attitude towards us.”

Colossians 3:12 says: …Clothe youselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience….

This really made me think bout how i have been relating to ppl. and i realized its not been good…. Many straining relationships…. and I need to change…. Just praying for the grace of God to help me.

Exams r done with… on the whole… another not so extraordinary performance….. disappointing…. but what can i expect from not studying….

Its a nice unexpected long weekend… and again… angel,flav and chinnu have gone home…

The sad part bout spendin time alone is, that it makes u think of things u dont wanna think about… like for instance, right now, the only thing on my mind is “leaving colg” and it makes me feel really down. especially since i filled in my first slam book in the study hour…

ok will stop discussing about that… mayb in another post… “exclusive”….

looking fwd to tomorrow’s class… should finally understand somethin of J2EE… sad… they come up with the brilliant idea at the end of the sem…. hopefully should pass the lab atleast now… hope it doesnt turn out to be like “counting the chickens before they hatch” kinda thing….

Every time we are let down, hurt, or upset….and ponder about y???? it someway or the other leads us back to just one word…. “expectation”. It is because we “expect” things to happen in a particular way…. expect for people to be there for u, expect everything to go on smoothly, expect to do well in your exams, expect things to go on the way it has been, expect to be happy always…. expect always…. and when it doesnt happen the way u want it… it causes pain…

but then again… can we do without it??? what would life be if not for basic expectations… like ur parents to love u, for God to love u and for His Grace, for ur friends…. Is it wrong to expect from mortals….. what can i say… i have no answer…. its somethin i cant do without…. i tend to expect… i just do.

Ps: NO I am not going thru depression just something that crossed my mind.