InSidE oUt

This song goes out to jeny, who along with me discovered this song. Our current fav…  

 Could not find a proper video.

I’m down on my knees again tonight
I’m hoping this prayer will turn out right
See there is a boy that needs Your help
I’ve done all that I can do myself
His mother is tired
I’m sure You can understnad
Each night as he sleeps
She goes in to hold his hand
And she tries not to cry
As the tears fill her eyes

Can You hear me?
Am I getting through tonight?
Can You see him?
Can You make him feel all right?
If You can hear me
Let me take his place somehow
See, he’s not just anyone
He’s my son

Sometimes late at night I watch him sleep
I dream of the boy he’d like to be
I try to be strong and see him through
But God who he needs right now is You
Let him grow old
Live life without this fear
What would I be
Living without him here
He’s so tired and he’s scared
Let him know that You’re there

Can You hear me?
Can You see him?
Please don’t leave him
He’s my son

Been a great experience being here. Daily survival has begun to seem real, near.

Frankly speaking am not really used to “it” happening. I manage to get my way(almost always) by nagging, whining, cribbing, crying, begging, pleading, scaring, emotionally blackmailing and various other ways as long as it is within my place to do somethin about it(not denying that i have not done it otherwise). Call me childish, immature, self-obsessed, vain but that does not change the fact that I have done it in the past and  I have been doing it without so much as to giving it a second thought. Until recently(may not be your defintion of recent), when due to circumstances and certain experiences, I was made to introspect myself. I could so clearly spot all these areas in my life that totally disgusted me. Am in the process of change like almost every other individual who has had these “experiences” I am talking about.

Past coupla days have brought with them news that I would not exactly call “glad tidings”. My dad is getting posted back to cochin, which happens to be the only place i detest out of all the places i have been to. Why? Not so good memories, not having any friends, the whole “green” atmosphere saps all the happiness outta me. But the main reason I was not open to the idea of moving rather my parents moving, is that I have fallen in love with Vizag. Mostly the church and the people I have gotten to know in the past few years. Am gonna miss them sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much. The church has been such an AMAZING source of strength and it was only in vizag that I could see what the bible says bout a church actually exists. I will hold the church really close to my heart wherever I go. Wish things dint have to happen this way. But I know there has to be a purpose for everything that happens. And as long as it is as per His plan, I dont think it is my place to “crib” about it.

And the latest blow, I have to stay back in chennai for an extra 2 weeks as per the wishes of my project manager. I guess its better than having to come back later on. But I had my mind set on spending time in the hostel. This would mean lesser time in the hostel but I guess a better completion.

Man, when God is teaching, He REALLY teaches.

 Mark Schultz

Thanks Jeny.

In a room without a view, a new mother smiles and holds
the tiny fingers of her brand new baby girl.
Her husband takes her by the hand, so unsure about the future
have no money can they make it in this world?
And they pray, Lord all we have to give is love
then they heard a gentle voice like an echo from above,
I have been there. I know what fear is all about.
Yes, I have been there and I’m standing with you now.
I have been there
And I came to build the bridge oh so this road could lead you home.
Oh I have been there.
He’s been a pastor twenty years
but tonight he sits alone and broken hearted in the corner of the church
He tried to change a fallen world
with his words and with his wisdom but it seems like it is only getting worse
And he cries, Oh Lord I just don’t understand
Then he felt the hand of grace, and he heard a voice that said
I have been there, I know what pain is all about
yes I have been there, and I’m standing with you now
I have been there, and I came to build a bridge
oh so this road could lead you home
oh i have been there.
An older man up on a hill
holding flowers but he can’t hold back the tears.
oh he has come to say goodbye.
he thinks about the life she lived,
thinks about how hard it’s been to live without her
sixty years right by his side
and he cries, oh Lord i loved her till the end
and he heard a gentle voice say you’ll see her once again
I have been there
I know what sorrow’s all about
yes i have been there and i’m standing with you now
i have been there, and i came to build a bridge
oh so this road could lead her home, the road could lead her home
oh i have been there, You know I overcame the cross, yes i have b

I forgot to mention bout my dear friend trying to delete my orkut account to the list of misfortunes. This case, possible misfortunes!!

Turns out, our maid released her frustration while sweeping my room, tugged at my phone line and so no phone—> no net!!!! I feel paralysed, helpless….. feel like a kid whose toy has been unfairly taken away. Ppl i beg of you, i dont want “sympathising” comments.

Ma call me…

Apart from that, today was one of those mediocre days, did nothin special except get another hair cut. Why again? Its not even been a month? I dunno. I just like being able to touch freshly cut hair. I feel like its my birthright to be able to get my hair cut every once in a month. No one seems to understand that. Besides it also happens to be good for the hair, the ends becoming rough fast n all…. Anyone with doubts/queries bout that, mail me!

And I also spent a good half an hour trying to explain myself to 3 different people at the same reliance web world center. Whats so difficult to understand? I got my connection in coimbatore, its on my friends name. The address proof of which has been submitted not once, but twice. I have been living in chennai for the past 3 months. Things have been fine until lately, I was being harrassed by those computerised phone calls, threatening to barr service unless i submit my address proof.

It so happens that since i am using their “reliable” service in chennai. I need to show them a chhennai address proof, which i tried explaining would be impossible coz i dont live in chennai. The only answer they can come up with is “Sorry maam, those are the rules”… So what am i supposed to do? Live with no outgoing for the rest of the month? Change my phone(coz there’s is no way i will switch to another reliance connection, which would mean i will have to get a new handset)??? I cant even reply to messages!!

Anyway, they said they would “look into” the matter and let me know tomorrow. So let me just hope for the best.

Sorry but i HAD to get it out of my system…

Woke up today to the “information” that the outgoing service from my cellphone service provider has been blocked. Its shocking how heartless and extremely blunt the SMS was : ” Outgoing service being barred” . Reason being, non-submition of address proof. Which i know for a fact has been done twice in the past one year. I have no idea what they want from me. I think its an international conspiracy against me!

Word of advice: Never Ever choose your service provider based on what your parents say is good.

Basically now my proj manager thinks that we will be of more use to them by working from office. So its back to the 8 hour rut, the dusty,long and claustrophobic bus journeys. I hate to admit it, but I think working from there is definitely a much better idea. I mean lookin past the initial ackwardness and desperate lack of chairs at work, things are pretty good.

We discovered today that we are allowed to use the coffee dispenser and also eat at the cafeteria. Yes, it should have been obvious, but it wasnt! So thanks to Ms Anna & Ms Meryl we stumbled upon this reality. To think that we spent 3 months without givin it a thought ever!

Been 3 months since my “close encounter of a technical kind” began. I have finally realised how totally monotonous and extremely boring it is to look at a computer screen all day, all through the week. Its time I take my future plans seriously. Do i really wanna spend my life doing this? For the initial few years, I have no choice! After that? What happens? I need a plan, direction, motivation, and will power. Its time I decide.

Heard bout them sometime back. Never got to listen to any of their music until recently.

Fallen in love with “Who am I(I am yours)” And “voice of truth”

Not because of who I am
But because of what You’ve done
Not because of what I’ve done
But because of who You are