Frankly speaking am not really used to “it” happening. I manage to get my way(almost always) by nagging, whining, cribbing, crying, begging, pleading, scaring, emotionally blackmailing and various other ways as long as it is within my place to do somethin about it(not denying that i have not done it otherwise). Call me childish, immature, self-obsessed, vain but that does not change the fact that I have done it in the past and  I have been doing it without so much as to giving it a second thought. Until recently(may not be your defintion of recent), when due to circumstances and certain experiences, I was made to introspect myself. I could so clearly spot all these areas in my life that totally disgusted me. Am in the process of change like almost every other individual who has had these “experiences” I am talking about.

Past coupla days have brought with them news that I would not exactly call “glad tidings”. My dad is getting posted back to cochin, which happens to be the only place i detest out of all the places i have been to. Why? Not so good memories, not having any friends, the whole “green” atmosphere saps all the happiness outta me. But the main reason I was not open to the idea of moving rather my parents moving, is that I have fallen in love with Vizag. Mostly the church and the people I have gotten to know in the past few years. Am gonna miss them sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much. The church has been such an AMAZING source of strength and it was only in vizag that I could see what the bible says bout a church actually exists. I will hold the church really close to my heart wherever I go. Wish things dint have to happen this way. But I know there has to be a purpose for everything that happens. And as long as it is as per His plan, I dont think it is my place to “crib” about it.

And the latest blow, I have to stay back in chennai for an extra 2 weeks as per the wishes of my project manager. I guess its better than having to come back later on. But I had my mind set on spending time in the hostel. This would mean lesser time in the hostel but I guess a better completion.

Man, when God is teaching, He REALLY teaches.

Apart from that, today was one of those mediocre days, did nothin special except get another hair cut. Why again? Its not even been a month? I dunno. I just like being able to touch freshly cut hair. I feel like its my birthright to be able to get my hair cut every once in a month. No one seems to understand that. Besides it also happens to be good for the hair, the ends becoming rough fast n all…. Anyone with doubts/queries bout that, mail me!

And I also spent a good half an hour trying to explain myself to 3 different people at the same reliance web world center. Whats so difficult to understand? I got my connection in coimbatore, its on my friends name. The address proof of which has been submitted not once, but twice. I have been living in chennai for the past 3 months. Things have been fine until lately, I was being harrassed by those computerised phone calls, threatening to barr service unless i submit my address proof.

It so happens that since i am using their “reliable” service in chennai. I need to show them a chhennai address proof, which i tried explaining would be impossible coz i dont live in chennai. The only answer they can come up with is “Sorry maam, those are the rules”… So what am i supposed to do? Live with no outgoing for the rest of the month? Change my phone(coz there’s is no way i will switch to another reliance connection, which would mean i will have to get a new handset)??? I cant even reply to messages!!

Anyway, they said they would “look into” the matter and let me know tomorrow. So let me just hope for the best.

Sorry but i HAD to get it out of my system…

Do I know myself at all? Have i ever made an attempt to do that? Have I made any progress if i have? Why cant I just carry on living without having to “introspect” my actions? Aint ignorance bliss??? Does it really take that much of effort to get to know urself? I mean how hard can it be right? Its U? Who else would know U if not U?? Whats wrong with me? Am I the only one who knows nothing (or not enough) about one’s self or thinks that way?? Is it wrong to not want to know yourself? How on earth can  I be a better person if I dont know myself? Do i want to be a better person? Of course i do! Am i willing to pay the price for that? Am I?

Any answers?