InSidE oUt

What I like and dont like about the end of month ironically happen to be the same thing, rather revolve around the same thing. Money! I know how terrible it makes me look, but thats how it is. Its during the last few days of the month that am so vigil bout where, how and when I spend. You would know the stark contrast if u knew how I spend otherwise. At the same time, the milestone ahead of us(1st of the next month) keeps me going.

 This month was worse than the previous few and I would really without any guilt have to blame it on the meagre X amount that we received. Things are so bad right now that me and angel have a pooled in an amount, say Y, and trust me you dont wanna know what X and Y are. And currently we are down to… why bother with the naming conventions. The point is, our hope lies on that blessed day 1st of Nov(Kinda also parallely hoping for an early pay day).

But wasnt it the same in college? Yes, but the difference being, there was no “specific” day that we needed to wait for to demand the next “package” and neither did our then pea-sized egos come in the way of shamelessly making those “demands” irrespective of the frequency.

Now, being labelled as “earning members” of the society, our bloated egos(bloated from nothing more substantial than air) forbid us from resolving to the “ancient days” method( pls note that am not inferring I dont do that. I have done it ) also when faced with the question of what happened to the money, one is left searching for an answer.

Sad state of affairs. I know! Come 1st nov. Come as soon as u can.

ps: I really really really hope ur not reading this dad

“Moving along with Evil(Sin) is Implicit and Moving along with Lord Jesus Christ is Explicit”

Isa 43:18Forget what happened long ago! Don’t think about the past. (CEV)

This verse always brings me comfort that I cannot fully describe. Each time I begin to start going back the past and glimpses of sin begin to enter my head, pop comes this verse and I reminds me that “everything is new” now.
But now I have seen “dwelling on the past” in a new light. God not only wants us to be free from haunting memories of the past but also past achievements, past “highs”, and all things rosy in the past that begin to fill us with a sense of pride without even realising it. Living in the glory of the past is a very dangerous thing. I would say more dangerous than living under self condemnation because of the same.

I remember how I lived through the first few semesters of college in the glory of securing a 90% aggregate in my 12th in school. Sounds funny now. But that’s the truth. It made me “not” to give my best when it came to studies. This example maybe a small one. But I really feel that we will not be able to explore all that God has in store for us if we keep harping on the “few” highs of our life.It was not until recently that God showed me that dwelling on the past could mean differently. Past is past, good or bad.

There was this ad on TV with some sports people like Rahul Dravid coming up and saying “yesterday is over”. Though I don’t remember what the ad was about, it made me think. Yesterday is definitely over, but the good thing is, we have something better for the many tomorrows ahead, if we let go of yesterday.

Feel like I used a day properly in a long time. I read ‘The Times of India’, ‘Deccan Herald’ in and out. And tried reading a Java book. Got motivated by a coupla colleagues preparing for a test. But didnt quite make it past the introduction. Then read the entire Reader’s Digest for Sep ‘07. Will have to see if they archive the old issues. And then the Outlook. I was not as bored today as compared to the usual days.

Am mentally prepared to face more days like this in the future. But atleast hope my PM keeps his word.

Its weird how things work out. I never wanted to get into mainframes, rather I never thought about it. But somehow I ended up training in it. (I was one among 6 Comp Sci ppl outta a class of 40. What are the odds??). Then finally when I begin to like it(took a while, trust me!), and then there happens to be “no requirement” for ppl like me. So they decide I should go for testing. (The kinda stuff I used to hate in college!) Something I never imagined doing as my first job.

Am not complaining. Just so totally weird. Have come to terms with it now. Took a week . My only hope being…. I should begin to like what I do.

” I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind” – Wisest man that ever lived

Its been over 2 weeks since that last post and I still dont know where I will be here on. Frankly I have no idea where I wanna be. I feel like I know nothing. Like everything I thought I knew doesnt make sense anymore. Why is it being delayed so much.

Am really glad I went home. Was a nice experience. Especially since I wanted to surprise my parents and it turns out I was in for a surprise myself. No one was home when I landed. Thankfully the doors were open. Had a nice time at church. N was nice to have chinnu and dinesh home. Cant believe they are posted in cochin ! 

Am so not looking forward to the week ahead. Unless there is a “surprise” waiting for me.

My last week in bangalore. What do I think bout leaving? Nothing much actually. Feel blank. Mayb its the project thats driving me crazy!! So not much time to really weigh my feelings bout leaving.

Shopping to do . Exam to rite and project to complete .

Looks like the entire bangalore is out of a black eye pencil!!!!

In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone, Who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied;
For ev’ry sin on Him was laid—
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain;
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His and He is mine—
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow’r of Christ in me;
From life’s first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow’r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow’r of Christ I’ll stand.

I love my country and I really am proud to be Indian….. but….

15th Aug is not the same since i left school. The patriotic songs have become vague tunes in my head which i can hardly recall, the flag hoisting and the stories of the freedom struggle which used to give me goosebumps have all become faint memories and have lost their charm and appeal. Is this what people mean by consequences of drudgery of work? Mayb the works and the add-ons have become meaningless but the patriot in me continues to live and though this day has become just a national holiday in most people’s lives, I think its whats inside that counts.

And as for plans for the day. I see a perfect opportunity to catch up on sleep and cleaning up the room and other pending work. Not the ideal way to spend the day I agree.